to make a difference

sometimes i let myself start counting down
5 weeks left of lesson plans and 4th-5th grade
until i move on to bigger and better things...

not that that's wrong in and of itself, but i'm letting myself "quit." i'm pretty much saying, "this is all i have to do before then and i'll be free," when i should be saying "i only have this much time left in this particular place to make a difference--an opportunity i will never have again in the way i do now." and so, i'm going to fight that feeling of wanting to "just make it through." i have vowed to not let these weeks become a source of complaining (which is, of course, filthy sin in Jesus' eyes), but instead to commit each one of them to the Lord in the mornings when i wake up. and not just the week days when i need physical strength to get out of bed and stumble off to my classroom, but also on the weekends when i feel that i "deserve" a break...yes, saturday and sunday mornings too will be given to the Lord (i never remember Him saying anything about us "deserving" a chance to be selfish or to cop out on obeying him...okay, well at least that's how i often act on the weekends). and dont be afraid to call me out if start whining on facebook about all the stuff i have to do. there's a difference between having stuff to do and whining about it, trying to outdo your friends in how intense your own load is.

along those lines, i've been pondering the idea of discipline lately. not only discipline to keep from complaining and instead speaking uplifting words, but also discipline in the sense of sticking-it-out. not giving up when things are on the rough side...or even if they're on the smooth side but you want to coast through and not put a lot of effort into what you're doing. yeah....well, God's been reminding me this past week that i am creating lessons for Him. i'm teaching my kiddos for Him. i'm writing units and state papers for Him. i'm making popsicle-stick covered wagons for Him. and that means not leaving a job half-finished. or deciding which assignments i will do or wont do. after all, how can i expect that the "next thing" or the thing that i want to do will satisfy me, if i'm not content where i am right now? and these are the times that we often look back at and regret having wasted with our own self-absorbed thoughts and dreams...

okay now i kinda sense i'm rambling...anyways, my point is that i'm going to live out these weeks as if they were my last ones to live...as if i'm going to get hit by a car on may 19th and be killed. and that means--i'm going to make the most of them and start trying to change the world, one day at a time. sure, maybe i wont accomplish that....

but it's worth a try.