whatta day

head racing, heart pounding
the snow-topped mountains with bright stars overhead
couldnt have been more beautiful tonight
as we drove, drove, drove
into the night
couldnt stop that smiling
or that jump jump jumping
how perfect and wonderful
it all is.


H

rainy days

thinking tonight about the rain
and how i love it oh so much.

yesterday
there were three little sparrows
laughing and flirting with the rain
while hiding on a ledge
under the eaves of a neighbor's roof.
so happy and content they were,
no doubt daring each other to play games
but huddling when it suddenly poured again
twittering and chirping,
singing and smiling.

one of my favorite things to do
on days such as these
is pour a steaming cup of tea or coffee
crawl under a warm blanket
let pandora run (love the soft violins)
and travel into a good book--
as if i was having tea with an old friend.

it's during these days
i hear so many complaints about the weather
so many "i-wish-i-had-it-my-way"s

but me
well,

i love that rain.

shakin' her head

God, i dont know how you do it
sometimes you just amaze me
and i have to stop
and just say "did that really happen?"
sometimes i look out the window at the crack of dawn
and my breath is drained
because of the beautiful colors
you make
in the sky.
sometimes i have to shrug my shoulders
and say "it's only you, Lord"
because there's no other explanation--
none.
sometimes i wonder how you turn things around
so that what i thought was impossible
or what i had dreaded
somehow suddenly makes sense.
and for those times when my faith is weak--
oh too many times, i fear--
show me up again, God.
remind me
that you know what you're doing,
because i know you do,
i just forget.

keep me faithful in the daily,
fixed on the eternal,
and fascinated by you

always.


H

thank you

Jesus--for waking me up this morning and for the gorgeous sunrise
T.B.--for your humble attitude to my email & always being there
J.S.--for always being willing to chat
R.W.--for your kind way of teaching me
A.W.--for your sweet texts
C.O.--for always supporting and loving me
L.T.--for reminding me to laugh & letting me cry
G.H.--for walking me through biblical processes of change
T.M.--for your young wisdom and genuine prayers
D.O.--for your patience and encouragement
N.W.--for your example of simple faith in the Lord
G.O.--for your godly example of leadership
M.E.--for having coffee and chatting today
J.A.--for connecting with me on your level
A.M.--for letting me play and be silly with you
A.M.--for your infectious little smile
Jesus--for your tender lovingkindness and faithfulness, and for just being you.

teaching, working, trusting

so yesterday i had a meltdown. i didnt know what in the world i was doing trying to become a teacher, i was sick of job possibilities falling through, and i wanted to quit eveything. i bawled to my best friend, and again today to my sister-in-law about how i'm a failure and dont wanna try anymore and how this is just isnt my thing.

[leanne gave me a hug and somehow managed to turn it into a funny laughing situation--she has such a talent for that! amy suggested hiding in a closet with a paper bag over my head and even offered to provide the bag...how thoughtful!] ;)

the point is, i've been a self-pitying scaredy-cat and letting the sin of anxiety and worry rule me. i havent been grateful for the many blessings i have, such as the opportunity to get a solid education and even the chance to learn how to become a teacher. i've been looking at things from the wrong angle. i've unknowingly let myself be driven by the extrinsic goals of getting a teaching credential, finding a job, and making money. true, these are good things to strive towards, but they should not be my life goals (even if they're only short-term). no, instead i should be motivated intrisincally, wanting to use the talents and abilities God has blessed me with and use them to increase His reputation. God was the one who gave me a love for children and for working with them. God was the one who blessed me with an ability to communicate with kids and be energetic and creative with them. God was the one who helped me write those lesson plans and who helped me improve what needed fixing. and he is the one i should be thinking about in all of this. not myself. who am i to decide whether i will use his gift or not? somehow i mix up our roles far too often and far too easily.

instead of complaining about how i dont want to teach, or how i am nervous and scared of what will happen (which, anyone feels when they're taking risks), i should be confident that the Lord will teach me something. it will probably be something completely different from what i'm expecting--as he is prone to doing--but it is always something i need to learn, and which he deems best for me. and anything worth doing has risks involved. consider teaching--does the benefit of knowing i did my best before Christ to train these little ones outweigh the fear i may have inside me..(the fear that every good teacher faces as they start out)? heck yes it does. no, it doesnt take away that fear, but it puts it into perspective a little more. and what is fear really? it is doubting that what God has is good. it's doubting that his plans are perfect and blameless and that he is in control. it's trying to take charge of the situation.

that leads to my next area of struggle--a job. for those of you who read this, some of you know i've been looking [again] for work, as both my part-time jobs ended in december. it's really discouraging being led to believe a company will hire, only to be let down again and again. or to just be told "no, sorry we're not hiring right now....but you can put in an application anyways...." oh great thanks, well that's really helpful now isnt it. but you know, i've been negative and selfish about that as well. i've been looking for what i want out of this, not trying to find the Lord's will or even just trying to discover what he wants me to learn through this tedious process. i've been trying to take over and tell God what's good for me, when he keeps saying, "no heather--what i have is even better."

gosh i just love him so much! even through my feeble attempts to take control and turn away from him or the times when i allow pride and selfishness and pity to characterize how i go about the day and interact with people....even through all that, he is so full of forgiveness and patience and love. and he reminds me faithfully every day that he is there, waiting for me to surrender to him. waiting for me to realize that it doesnt matter if a find a job or not--he will provide. somehow, someday, in some way, he will provide for my needs [not wants]. and what a comforting thought that is, because he knows them better than i do.

Habakkuk 3:17-19 says,
"Though the fig tree should not blossom and there be no fruit on the vines, though the yield of the olive should fail and the fields produce no food, through the flock should be cut off from the fold and there be no cattle in the stalls,

yet i will exult in the LORD, i will rejoice in the God of my salvation. the Lord GOD is my strength, and he has made my feet like hind's feet, and makes me walk on high places."


H

hello 2010

so i made a few goals for the next year. i dont think i've ever actually written down my "new year's resolutions" before; they're usually more of a mental thing...which could be why they aren't usually accomplished. that and they weren't really that practical.

so from now til december, i've got some goals for my life. and by the Lord's grace i'll accomplish them unless he takes me home sooner (which i wouldn't mind, in a good way). :)

to begin with--my theme verse for the year:

2 Timothy 2:22
"Now flee from youthful lusts and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart."

1. Spend honest time with the Lord each day, either in prayer or studying the Bible
2. Read through the entire Bible at least once
3. Memorize 4 books of the Bible (1 every 3 months)
4. Make a prayer chart each month and pray for different people each day
5. Each week (perhaps on Sundays), spend 1 hour in prayer for others, missions, my church family, the future, etc
6. By the end of each month, share the gospel story with at least 1 new person
7. Every month (at least), review current events and news
8. Start learning Hindi and researching more about India
9. Start each day acknowledging my need for the Lord
10. End each day by thanking God for something/someone in my life


-H