faith & fighting

woke up crying today
from a bad dream
weird way to end such a great weekend

and now here we go
4 weeks left
so much confusion in my head
of what happens next
and how it'll all work out
but somehow it will

and i'm fighting for that peace
that passes over my understanding
and that guards my heart and mind
in Messiah.

the night sky

gosh i cant say it enough
the stars are divine!
the best thing about the long walk home each night
is that i have the most gorgeous view of the night sky
and each time
i have to stop

and take a breath

and each night
i look up at those lovely stars
and thank God for them
especially tonight because i got to see
my favorite constellation,
the 7 sisters.

11:03

i dont know where to begin
i really cant begin at the beginning
cause that would take too long

so i'll begin at the end
or rather the middle i should say
since the end hasnt arrived yet

today was wonderful
oh so wonderful
filled with joy only God could provide
one of those days
when you are so humbled to be alive
when you open the door to the morning,
and the sun comes bursting through
when you walk home at night
praying for your neighbors and each house
you pass by

this was a day i couldnt stop smiling
tried but just failed
and didnt care cause i'd much rather smile

and these days bring energy
tons of it
i feel ready to conquer the world
or drive to the beach and dance along the shore
without a care in the world
and dont care who's watching
i want to climb a mountain and look out over the valley
sparkled with lights and far away noises of the night
[did i mention i love nights?
and the smell of honeysuckle as i quietly slip home down the deserted streets.]

there's so many things i would wish for right now
and yet, there's a peace
a calmness
reassuring love from the One who loves me
more than any earthly man ever could
i'm a living paradox tonight
wishing, yet content
confused, yet certain

oh Abba Father, you are good.

and there is nothing left for me to say.

the sweet and the bitter

[by Brother Lawrence, bold and italics added]

1691. God knows best what is needful for us, and all that He does is for our good. If we knew how much He loves us, we should be always ready to receive equally and with indifference from His hand the sweet and the bitter; all that comes from Him would please. All of our sufferings will lose their bitterness and become even a matter of consolation.
Let us not amuse ourselves to seek or to love God for any sensual or sentimental reason. Such reasons cannot bring us as near to God as does faith in one simple act. Let us seek Him often by faith. He is within us; do not seek Him elsewhere. We are rude and deserve blame if we leave Him alone in order to busy ourselves about trifles, which do not please Him and probably offend Him. We should fear these trifles; one day they will cost us dear.
Let us begin to be devoted to Him earnestly. Let us cast everything except what is eternal out of our hearts. He wants to possess them alone. Beg this favor of Him...