tonight, i have the urge to write again.
it has been a little past 2 months since my last post, and though 'twas brief, i have wanted to write again very often. but something has always stopped me. so here at last i am again, rambling through a keyboard, not minding if it is read or not, but just wanting to grace ink to these thoughts.
my heart is full.
i have everything i could ever want. yet, there is only one thing that can fit this description. many emotions, many possessions, many ideals vie for first place, but the most important has taken the lead. and this makes it the most special. and, to be sure, the most powerful. otherwise it wouldn't have won. and with that, the others aren't even worth mentioning tonight.
i love my sweet, sweet Jesus. cliche perhaps, seeing as we've known one another for almost 20 years now (i am so very very blessed). but nonetheless, i am overwhelmed with gratitude for my dear Lord and for the lessons he's taught me in the last year. he has become so precious to me, and has so kindly led me--to borrow from the children's book i read my students--across the desert of trials, past the sea of loneliness, and up the mountain of injury because of the greater rewards in store.
because even more amazing than my love for him is his own precious love for me. i marvel that he chose a stubborn, fearful, controlling, depressed girl as myself to be his beloved daughter. in the past, this scared me even more, and i hid in fear and guilt from such love. but now, these journeys we've traveled together have shown me how much i don't deserve his grace and yet run toward it and toward the safety of the shepherd's arms. (*yes, there is a tear threatening to spill, but it is a tear of joy).
thank you, sweet Lord. written words do not do justice to the depths of the Character whom i will never know fully this side of heaven. i only remain your humbled servant, quieted by the gentle power of your Words.
h
