they came
tonight
when all was said and done.
a room so full
yet empty
with silent sadness
welling up inside.
and not of fear,
nor of concern for how it'd passed
but for those whose little faces were not present
for those who, most think, are blind
and yet, we are often the ones who cannot see.
oh wisdom, where art thou?
come to me, i beg.
169 days remain
in which i need your guidance.
my heart has increased tonight
in both capacity and in weight.
H
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Sunday, August 14, 2011
i [love] myself.
i don't know if i've ever hated my sin as much as i do tonight. i hate it. i can't stand it. i look at who i am and i see a girl who loves herself too much. someone who's prideful, selfish, controlling, and wicked. someone who cares about what other people think about her. someone who talks about change, and yet doesn't do it. someone who stands before the throne of GOD and tells him that her plans are better.
my broken heart just sobbed to the Lord tonight. how can he love me? look at all i do (or don't do that i should) against him. how can you take pleasure in my life when it's so full of deceit and selfishness? sometimes it's hard to see your sin (which is a scary thought), but tonight, he revealed it, and it was so blatantly obvious and disgusting. i am ashamed of that girl in the mirror. i wish i could hide it from him, and from others, but i can't. it pierces back, unrelenting as it digs deep into my soul for the world to watch.
oh God, forgive me! sometimes there are groanings too deep for words, and you hear those groanings tonight. Father, i want to please you so badly!! please change me, please make me like you! because i feel as though i look nothing like your holiness, your purity, your humility, your righteousness. please God, be faithful to me and forgive my sin, like you promise.
by your grace, precious Father, i will live for you.
H
my broken heart just sobbed to the Lord tonight. how can he love me? look at all i do (or don't do that i should) against him. how can you take pleasure in my life when it's so full of deceit and selfishness? sometimes it's hard to see your sin (which is a scary thought), but tonight, he revealed it, and it was so blatantly obvious and disgusting. i am ashamed of that girl in the mirror. i wish i could hide it from him, and from others, but i can't. it pierces back, unrelenting as it digs deep into my soul for the world to watch.
oh God, forgive me! sometimes there are groanings too deep for words, and you hear those groanings tonight. Father, i want to please you so badly!! please change me, please make me like you! because i feel as though i look nothing like your holiness, your purity, your humility, your righteousness. please God, be faithful to me and forgive my sin, like you promise.
by your grace, precious Father, i will live for you.
H
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
true love.
the whole reason you have affections is to enjoy Christ. and everything recorded about Christ in scripture was specifically put there to draw out your affections, to discover His attractiveness, to make your love more deep and intimate. what does it look like when our love for Jesus controls our affections? he Himself will be the object and focus of our love; our hopes will long for Him; our desire will be for Him; our hate and anger will be directed at sin because it offends Him. all the powers and aspirations of the heart will look to Him. thoughts of Him will be our favorite thoughts. remembrances of Him will be our most precious memories. our consciences will be tuned to His heart...true love for Jesus will then control all our human affections.
-Rick Holland, Uneclipsing the Son
-Rick Holland, Uneclipsing the Son
Sunday, August 7, 2011
saved from victory.
one can argue that the bible could hinge on Isaiah 10.32.
true, it's not the biggest hinge, but it's a crucial verse.
i read that chapter this week and was struck by its importance--
one which, to be quite honest, most people gloss right over.
but i do in fact believe that it was put there for a reason,
and i am so very thankful for it.
"yet today he will halt at Nob; he shakes his fist at the mountain of the daughter of Zion, the hill of Jerusalem."
why, you might ask, is this so special? what's Nob, who's shaking his fist, and why does it matter? well i'll tell you why, so hold on and here we go:
Nob is a small city just north of Jerusalem--this "person" has been following the trail through the Central Benjamin Plateau, passing other cities, mentioned in geographical order north to south in verses 28-31. this is arguably one of the most prime spots in the land of Israel because of both its political location and economical resources, and therefore, it's always under attack. it also leads straight to the gates of the capital, Jerusalem. whoever controls the CBP (and Jerusalem) controls the country as a whole. the "person" to whom Isaiah is referring is actually a nation, but not Israel. no, it's Assyria, the powerful giant to the north of struggling little Israel, led by a terrible general named Sennacherib. he's on the loose, and is aimed at eating Israel alive without mercy. look back at verses 29-31: the people of these cities are terrified, they've fled, and they desperately cry aloud (notice they cry aloud with their voice, but it doesn't say they cry to God). you would be terrified too, if you were part of a small, weak nation, destined because of your disobedience and unfaithfulness to be swallowed by the most powerful country in the world. read the first part of the chapter--God chooses to teach Israel a lesson by allowing the Assyrians to conquer the land (not just the CBP, but practically every other square foot of dirt as well). they deserve this punishment, this judgment for their abandonment of God and His law.
"yet today he will halt at Nob; he shakes his fist at the mountain of the daughter of Zion, the hill of Jerusalem."
just before reaching the capital, Sennacherib stops.
just before he's about to tear apart the Temple Mount on that hill in Jerusalem, and claim "victory" over the hebrew God, the Lord intervenes.
because He promised He would.
and Sennacherib and his Assyrian army "shook their fists", but to no avail.
if they wouldn't have been stopped (for it was really God who stopped them, not their choice), the land would've been completely run over by this nation, and Israel may very well have ceased to exist. but God had promised to save a small remnant of people. and He continued that lineage of the remnant (at times quite slim in numbers), until it reached a King. a King that was born in the most humiliating circumstances and shunned and mocked by everyone around Him.
but that King changed history like no one had ever done before or would ever do again.
and so...one can argue that the bible could possibly hinge on Isaiah 10.32.
[a view of the northern walls of jerusalem.]
true, it's not the biggest hinge, but it's a crucial verse.
i read that chapter this week and was struck by its importance--
one which, to be quite honest, most people gloss right over.
but i do in fact believe that it was put there for a reason,
and i am so very thankful for it.
"yet today he will halt at Nob; he shakes his fist at the mountain of the daughter of Zion, the hill of Jerusalem."
why, you might ask, is this so special? what's Nob, who's shaking his fist, and why does it matter? well i'll tell you why, so hold on and here we go:
Nob is a small city just north of Jerusalem--this "person" has been following the trail through the Central Benjamin Plateau, passing other cities, mentioned in geographical order north to south in verses 28-31. this is arguably one of the most prime spots in the land of Israel because of both its political location and economical resources, and therefore, it's always under attack. it also leads straight to the gates of the capital, Jerusalem. whoever controls the CBP (and Jerusalem) controls the country as a whole. the "person" to whom Isaiah is referring is actually a nation, but not Israel. no, it's Assyria, the powerful giant to the north of struggling little Israel, led by a terrible general named Sennacherib. he's on the loose, and is aimed at eating Israel alive without mercy. look back at verses 29-31: the people of these cities are terrified, they've fled, and they desperately cry aloud (notice they cry aloud with their voice, but it doesn't say they cry to God). you would be terrified too, if you were part of a small, weak nation, destined because of your disobedience and unfaithfulness to be swallowed by the most powerful country in the world. read the first part of the chapter--God chooses to teach Israel a lesson by allowing the Assyrians to conquer the land (not just the CBP, but practically every other square foot of dirt as well). they deserve this punishment, this judgment for their abandonment of God and His law.
"yet today he will halt at Nob; he shakes his fist at the mountain of the daughter of Zion, the hill of Jerusalem."
just before reaching the capital, Sennacherib stops.
just before he's about to tear apart the Temple Mount on that hill in Jerusalem, and claim "victory" over the hebrew God, the Lord intervenes.
because He promised He would.
and Sennacherib and his Assyrian army "shook their fists", but to no avail.
if they wouldn't have been stopped (for it was really God who stopped them, not their choice), the land would've been completely run over by this nation, and Israel may very well have ceased to exist. but God had promised to save a small remnant of people. and He continued that lineage of the remnant (at times quite slim in numbers), until it reached a King. a King that was born in the most humiliating circumstances and shunned and mocked by everyone around Him.
but that King changed history like no one had ever done before or would ever do again.
and so...one can argue that the bible could possibly hinge on Isaiah 10.32.
[a view of the northern walls of jerusalem.]
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