i don't know if i've ever hated my sin as much as i do tonight. i hate it. i can't stand it. i look at who i am and i see a girl who loves herself too much. someone who's prideful, selfish, controlling, and wicked. someone who cares about what other people think about her. someone who talks about change, and yet doesn't do it. someone who stands before the throne of GOD and tells him that her plans are better.
my broken heart just sobbed to the Lord tonight. how can he love me? look at all i do (or don't do that i should) against him. how can you take pleasure in my life when it's so full of deceit and selfishness? sometimes it's hard to see your sin (which is a scary thought), but tonight, he revealed it, and it was so blatantly obvious and disgusting. i am ashamed of that girl in the mirror. i wish i could hide it from him, and from others, but i can't. it pierces back, unrelenting as it digs deep into my soul for the world to watch.
oh God, forgive me! sometimes there are groanings too deep for words, and you hear those groanings tonight. Father, i want to please you so badly!! please change me, please make me like you! because i feel as though i look nothing like your holiness, your purity, your humility, your righteousness. please God, be faithful to me and forgive my sin, like you promise.
by your grace, precious Father, i will live for you.
H
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