let her be

why don't they understand?
can't they see?
they're tearing me apart with their ignorance
their encouragement is breaking my heart and causing doubts to rise
i was fine, i was victorious
but their questions--over and over--their assumptions
has eaten me away and i can't stand it
why can't they just be silent
and really think before speaking?
i'm sick of it all
they just don't get it
they don't see because their eyes are closed
don't they know what it's taken me?
why can't they stop and try for once
to honestly look at it from my perspective
and take my words for what i really say
i hate the pity, the sympathy
because i'd rather grow by myself
than be stunted by "advice" and "encouragement"
if you're going to do that, then just let me be
turn your hurtful eyes
and say nothing at all.

mid-july

cooking class
phone calls
homemade enchiladas
hindi movie

excellent day. <3


H

5 minute rain

i just adore the rain
even if it comes and goes in a matter of minutes...
as soon as i heard the pitter-patter of that hot, summer rain
i (literally) ran downstairs and stood outside
smiling and watching it fall
as the sleepy sun sinks down behind the clouds...


and then,
it was gone.



H

thy mercy

Thy mercy my God is the theme of my song,
The joy of my heart, and the boast of my tongue.
Thy free grace alone, from the first to the last,
Hath won my affection and bound my soul fast.

Without Thy sweet mercy, I could not live here.
Sin would reduce me to utter despair,
But through Thy free goodness, my spirit's revived
And He that first made me still keeps me alive.

Thy mercy is more than a match for my heart,
Which wonders to feel its own hardness depart.
Dissolved by Thy goodness, I fall to the ground
And weep for the praise of the mercy I've found.

Great Father of mercies, Thy goodness I own
In the covenant love of Thy crucified Son.
All praise to the Spirit, Whose whisper divine
Seals mercy and pardon and righteousness mine.

Caedmon's Call

having the right perspective

I will glory in my Redeemer
Whose priceless blood has ransomed me
Mine was the sin that drove the bitter nails
And hung Him on that judgment tree
I will glory in my Redeemer
Who crushed the power of sin and death
My only Savior before the Holy Judge
The Lamb Who is my righteousness
The Lamb Who is my righteousness

I will glory in my Redeemer
MY LIFE HE BOUGHT, MY LOVE HE OWNS
I HAVE NO LONGINGS FOR ANOTHER
I’M SATISFIED IN HIM ALONE
I will glory in my Redeemer
HIS FAITHFULNESS MY STANDING PLACE
Though foes are mighty and rush upon me
My feet are firm, held by His grace
My feet are firm, held by His grace

I will glory in my Redeemer
Who carries me on eagle's wings
He crowns my life with lovingkindness
His triumph song I'll ever sing
I will glory in my Redeemer
Who waits for me at gates of gold
And when He calls me it will be paradise
His face forever to behold
His face forever to behold

torn

what do i do, Lord? what do you want me to do?

there are so many options vying for my attention, so many paths i could take--and in some respects i want to take--but i cannot travel them all. do You want me to teach? in the states or somewhere else? india? right now or later? should i stay and get more training? should i clear my credential? should i work where i was accepted or keep looking? oh God, please forgive me for my lack of trust in You! forgive me for the many times i tell You what i want to do! let my heart only be to do Your will, not mine! but oh Lord, please make it clear to me, i'm begging You! i am being pulled in so many directions and i need Your wisdom and guidance. i need the counsel of others. break my pride, Father, and look down with patience on Your daughter. let me dwell safely in Your loving arms tonight, Jesus, and fill my mind with thoughts of You, not of worry about the future. You are the God of Abraham, Joshua, Isaiah, Paul, James, Solomon, David, and You led each of them in the way You had chosen. show the way for Your servant, oh Lord. bring me contentment as i learn to forsake everything but You.


H