relentless

can't sleep tonight.
too much on my mind.
perhaps it's because of the rich peppermint mocha or the chocolate-dipped strawberries we all enjoyed and laughed over the past 6 hours.
but i suspect it's more than that.
do you ever get dizzy from all that's swimming around in your head? i'm sure we all do at some point or another. well, tonight is one of those nights.
i'm just amazed at God and how he works things together. sometimes it's those aspects of life that you couldn't predict would happen and that if you could re-do part of your life, you'd leave them out. i've been through my share of that, and i'm sure we all have those areas we'd rather not bring up.
but those are a part of our past, whether we like it or not. you can't change the fact that you wasted certain periods of life, when you could've invested more into them (or into other people), or that you were cheated on, or that you let someone down, or whatever it might be for you. but all of those things were meant to happen and were no surprise for God. and he is truly faithful to help you overcome regret, bitterness, pain, and other feelings from the past, reminding you that "all things work together for the good of those who love him."
and that's why i'm pressing on, relentless.
i'm at a time in my life that i love, despite the wars God has given me to fight. i love teaching and working with the kids at school (though i don't particularly like rising early--something i'm learning to be thankful for ;)...i love my church and the people i've been building relationships with there and the privilege to get involved with singing and working with the music ministry...i love hanging out with the young families in my life and being a "big kid" with the little ones...i love learning from older, more experienced women and sitting under their wisdom...i love having time to cook and bake for my brother and for other families...i love bible study wednesday nights and welcoming new people to help them feel special...i love pursuing india and planning for the next time i'll go back there (whenever that may be).
and as much as i love all those things, i know there's so much more planned that God has in store for how he's going to direct my life. and as strange as it seems, he uses the past to shape the present, and the present to shape the future. this can be intimidating and overwhelming at times, but the flip side is a perfectly-designed future in Christ. and i'm going at it head-on. i've always been a go-getter, an all-or-nothing person, a shoot-for-the-moon, give-it-all-you-got girl. well, sometimes those ideals aren't so realistic, but they're worth the shot, aren't they? because who knows--you might end up making that shot. and you'll never know until you try.
i don't know what God holds for the future, whether i live only 6 more days or 60 more days. but i'm banking on the promise that God will use each event in my life (painful or joyful) and turn it into something beautiful for himself. so who am i to question? who am i to decline participation? sure i might not have all the answers, but i'm going to be content in the fact that he does. no is not an option. and as long as he's giving me another breath, and another, and another...i'm gonna run for him,
relentless.


H