do you ever feel sometimes that you're just not doing things right? or that you're "happy" to serve God but you dont quite know why, and you know that you should know, or you know why you should but you're just not "feeling" it? do you ever feel pretty good about how you're doing, only to realize that you've got sin all over your life and other people probably see it, but you've been just to proud to even look for it? or even worse, you know something's not quite been right, but you really dont want to look deeper? do you ever have a passion to do something for the Lord, but then start worrying or thinking of your own ways to do it, insisting to God that you know what you're doing and he doesn't? do you ever get so overwhelmed in the many areas of your life that need change, that you just want to quit and not even try? ever go back and forth between sobbing to God of your wretchedness before his gaze and determinedly--almost angrily--trying to fight back on your own?
kinda makes you realize how weak and vulnerable you are. kinda makes you cry seeing how futile of a life you're living on your own. kinda reminds you that you're trying to get to heaven based on your actions. and that can make you fall into more depression because you look up and seee the huge hole you've fallen in, and which keeps getting deeper.
oh Lord, remind me what your grace means. remind me that i am weak and frail, but that it should cause me to cling even tighter to you, not push you away and try to get better on my own before coming to you. that i can't get out of the hole without your help reaching down to me. break the pride i have in even asking for your help. remind me that i don't need anything in this world except for you, no matter how tempting and alluring it seems. and please, Father, let me wake up refreshed tomorrow to love and serve you. remind me, even through tiredness and busyness, that you are the only way to a fulfilling, satisfied life.
H
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