trust

well...here i am, home for a month now, and still no job. i've had multiple people call me after turning in resumes and applications, wanting to do interviews or get additional information and all that, and several of them visibly interested. but everytime it seems like something's going to work and i think to myself, "finally Lord! thank you for allowing this one to work," either they call back saying they're actually not hiring anymore or else they dont call back at all.

sigh....i asked God to teach me to trust him this summer and i think he's answering my request, though not in a way i had hoped. i mean, it's definitely good to be put in a situation where you feel kinda helpless and you know that God is the only one who can actually make things happen, but when your finite, controlling, realistic-thinking brain says "okay heather...you really need to step on it and come up with something. how are you going to pay for more school, and rent, and a car, and other things that come up?" then you know you really have to start making yourself believe that God's in control of things.

i guess the best part about not having a job is that i've gotten in a lot of good reading time. a couple of the books i'm going through right now are Acts, Psalms, Reflections on the Psalms (by CS Lewis), Becoming a Woman of Spiritual Passion (by Donna Morley), Faithful Women and their Extraordinary God (by Noel Piper), Calm My Anxious Heart (by Linda Dillow), and 31 Days Toward Intimacy with God (by Joni Eareckson Tada). plus there are a ton more on the living room bookshelves that i really would love to read, so we'll how much i can pump out during the summer weeks.

so don't just pray that "i'll get a job." pray that i'll trust. pray that i will give up my desire to control (schedules, finances, time, etc). pray that i'll be like the widow who trusted that God would provide the oil and flour she needed each day to stay alive. that i'd wake up each morning ready to give the day to Christ and wait eagerly for how he'll work, whether he provides a job or not. and that i'd find joy in trusting God's perfect plans. :)