extras in life

it's so easy to lose sight of the fact that life is not about me. as i go through the day i think about myself, my desires, my future...seldom do i stop and try to grasp how wonderful God is or think about the amazing ways he displays himself. "oh sure God, yeah i read this part of the bible when i was in israel so i totally know what it's talking about here. i dont really need to focus on it right now." i read the bible and pray so selfishly, only asking for my own requests or for God to answer something the way i want him to, walking away thinking how i need to change something, then totally forget about it 2 minutes later.

but no...life's not about me. i'm just an "extra" in life, when God is the main character, the hero, the one to beat all odds. true--a loved and cherished "extra," one who was given a purpose in life. but definitely not the main character (at privileged times i'm aware of how thankful i am that i'm not). i sure have a habit of making a mess of things. and yet i still continue to act like I'm the one in charge, I'm the authority, I deserve sympathy, my needs are more important than someone else's.

what in the world am i thinking?? God allowed his Son--his only Son--to be murdered so that i would be saved from the wrath of God against my awful, horrid sin. how dare i stand up to him and say that i know better than he does! how dare i tell the Director how to run things when all i get is a 2 second shot in the background of God's masterpiece production...life is fragile and short. much shorter than we imagine or actually believe. we think we're so much more important than we really are. and yes, we're important to God, but it's not our business to boast of ourselves when we owe everything to him.

i've been so humbled lately by how much i dont know, how helpless i am on my own, how vast the knowledge and character of God are. there are days when i just want to spend all my time reading his precious words to me and soaking them in and treasuring them. i panic, thinking i wont have enough time to finish studying everything during however many years i have left on earth. and no, i wont. i never will truly, fully, completely understand until the days of heaven.

but oh precious Father teach me to remember my frailty before you--that You are to be praised and magnified and lifted up and honored and glorified through my life. no matter what joys or sorrows i go through, they're all still in that tiny 2 second shot and dont compare to you. let me reflect you in all things. while i'm washing my face in the morning, cleaning the house, washing dishes, making phone calls, driving in the car, talking to my sisters, sending emails, making dinner, lying on my bed at night trying to fall asleep. please oh Father, let my life point to yours only, not my own.