don't.

i don't understand what's happening lately
at times it thrills me, yet other times it kills me
and again and again i have to walk by faith.
weak eyes i have,
and squinting off into the distance
down the long road ahead, i see only blurred images,
if even those.
the more you decide to trust, the easier it becomes,
because you train yourself into the habit,
but it also gets harder with each step
[does no one else live paradoxically?]
i tell my kids it is their choice of what their attitude will be,
but do i myself live my own advice?
were it not for God's abundant mercy and grace
i would have fallen into doubt and anxiety,
never knowing if my questions would ever truly be answered,
but i
have
hope
and that hope too, which will never disappoint.

don't leave me, my Lord, i pray
cut out of my heart anything that comes between us,
and let me lose my attraction to anything but You.


H