scene 1: it was obvious she was flustered, though she tried to hide it. the almost inaudible sigh, the concentrated breathing, trying to sound steady, the coolness and calmness with which she moved about the room. but mostly it was the wetness of her eyes, like a spring rain threatening to spill from a cloud, doing it all it could to hold it in. who knows what had already transpired that morning, but she was late, and it seems as though the coffee always spills and the copier breaks on the day when you are late.
scene 2: help me, the hazel eyes begged. she looked up with uncertainty, with hurt. won't you please help me?
scene 3: as it comforts, so also it convicts. and to know the comfort, you must first know the conviction. where the next twenty-five minutes would take them, she could not imagine, but throw the lesson planner out the window, for this--which was not written in the job description--was what was most important. it was just the two of them and a worn, chalked up Bible. the young mind raced in curiosity and fear, while the other pleaded silently for a "fitting word, like apples of gold in frames of silver."
a word. a glance. a sigh. a smile.
these are the things which often act as catalysts for the choices i make during the days. is this right? i wonder at times. i dont think i've quite decided the answer to that question, but it does make me contemplate the outcome of these decisions and question the initial motivations.
this day is finally coming to a close, and what a day it has been. how thankful i am for the little opportunities in life, and more especially for the times when my eyes are opened to the truth...and the way the Lord gives us the right words at the right time.
scene 1 closed with a potted orange star and twenty little names on a card, delivered at the right time to return a smile to her lovely face. scene 2 was given hope, and the reminder that there is One who will never leave. and scene 3, though it brought tears to both, was a sweet embrace of the gospel, and of His great love, despite our failings.
may I ever be faithful to stop...
...and to listen to the things you have to teach me
...to encourage, to comfort, to exhort, and to show forgiveness
if they saw nothing else today, let them each have seen You.
H
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Friday, April 5, 2013
get up, soldier
the rat-a-tat-tats
they come
far off cries echo through the night
and the only lights left
come from twinkling stars
high above their heads
another gunshot rings out
the stench of the enemy advances
and three choices hang in the bitter, black air:
the first is to run
to retreat
to cower in the overwhelming fear that threatens to swallow
their souls
the second, to charge
full-speed ahead toward the battlefield
with reckless abandonment for orders
to believe in one's own strength
and might
and power
so often have i been that soldier.
how the tears have fallen
as i thrash and slash my way through the mines and the mud
only to realize that i'm falling
that my best efforts come from weak and unsteady hands
only to realize that i, in fact, haven't even strapped on my armor tightly
if at all
that the Commander was right all along
he staggers and collapses
his opponent takes aim
more is injured than his pride
what use, he groans
this is not the tell-all
and he will obey the next time
but
for now he cannot see
[nor does he want to]
am i giving up? he wonders
while the enemy continues to pry open wounds, to inflict the poison deeper
he turns
writhing in pain
and searches desperately for that familiar face behind him
their eyes meet
one set filled with regret and shame
the other with loving rebuke and strength
he knows what's coming
or, at least, he thinks he does
and as the Commander shields the blows and carries him to safety
as his suffering comes to a temporary halt
he prepares his mind for what is next.
but before any words are spoken,
the soldier looks at his team
they tell him stories of His bravery, His faithful leadership, His care
and the soldier turns again to those eyes
"Get up, soldier."
that was all.
no harshness
no sigh
only gentleness
and a call to obey--
to love to obey
"There is one more way. And I will show you."
H
they come
far off cries echo through the night
and the only lights left
come from twinkling stars
high above their heads
another gunshot rings out
the stench of the enemy advances
and three choices hang in the bitter, black air:
the first is to run
to retreat
to cower in the overwhelming fear that threatens to swallow
their souls
the second, to charge
full-speed ahead toward the battlefield
with reckless abandonment for orders
to believe in one's own strength
and might
and power
so often have i been that soldier.
how the tears have fallen
as i thrash and slash my way through the mines and the mud
only to realize that i'm falling
that my best efforts come from weak and unsteady hands
only to realize that i, in fact, haven't even strapped on my armor tightly
if at all
that the Commander was right all along
he staggers and collapses
his opponent takes aim
more is injured than his pride
what use, he groans
this is not the tell-all
and he will obey the next time
but
for now he cannot see
[nor does he want to]
am i giving up? he wonders
while the enemy continues to pry open wounds, to inflict the poison deeper
he turns
writhing in pain
and searches desperately for that familiar face behind him
their eyes meet
one set filled with regret and shame
the other with loving rebuke and strength
he knows what's coming
or, at least, he thinks he does
and as the Commander shields the blows and carries him to safety
as his suffering comes to a temporary halt
he prepares his mind for what is next.
but before any words are spoken,
the soldier looks at his team
they tell him stories of His bravery, His faithful leadership, His care
and the soldier turns again to those eyes
"Get up, soldier."
that was all.
no harshness
no sigh
only gentleness
and a call to obey--
to love to obey
"There is one more way. And I will show you."
H
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
a little tired out
what does a teacher do, someone once asked me.
well....not much, i suppose. i "teach" children. just tell 'em what to do, and they should readily, cheerfully, and immediately comply. that can't be too hard now, can it?
a teacher fixes sore throats and headaches.
she tells children to give their best for the Lord, not for a grade book or her own happiness.
she reads directions multiple times.
she saves glue bottles at the last minute before their insides are squeezed out onto a project.
she ties shoes.
she reminds students to write their names at the top of their papers.
she encourages literature reading during reading time, but usually not during math time.
she finds homes for lost pencils.
she gives lots and lots of hugs and high-fives.
she cries for her students' hearts.
she wipes out sticky, smelly, nasty, dirty desks.
she uses red pens to help students see their mistakes.
she talks in chinese, french, indian, british, and scottish accents.
she writes her spelling words on the board.
she divides 4-digit dividends in her head within 10 seconds.
she staples projects to the walls (and ceiling).
she eats lunch...sometimes.
she prays.
she hides notes in students' desks.
she drinks lots of coffee.
she laughs at homophone drawings created by her students.
she crosses her eyes at someone every so often.
she exhorts boys to practice being young men.
she advises girls to love each other and be friends.
she referees basketball and warball games during recess...at the same time.
she stays in during lunch to help someone make up an assignment.
she emails parents, administrators, office staff, and other teachers.
she snacks on peanut M&Ms.
she wipes down doorhandles, windows, desks, and chairs.
she carries four conversations at once.
oh yeah, and she teaches.
sometimes i think the "teaching" part is based more on the list above, rather than opening a textbook. don't get me wrong--i love my job. today was a day, though, that reminded me how much my Teacher does for me. and He never gets tired out.
thanks for your love & strength today, Father.
H
well....not much, i suppose. i "teach" children. just tell 'em what to do, and they should readily, cheerfully, and immediately comply. that can't be too hard now, can it?
a teacher fixes sore throats and headaches.
she tells children to give their best for the Lord, not for a grade book or her own happiness.
she reads directions multiple times.
she saves glue bottles at the last minute before their insides are squeezed out onto a project.
she ties shoes.
she reminds students to write their names at the top of their papers.
she encourages literature reading during reading time, but usually not during math time.
she finds homes for lost pencils.
she gives lots and lots of hugs and high-fives.
she cries for her students' hearts.
she wipes out sticky, smelly, nasty, dirty desks.
she uses red pens to help students see their mistakes.
she talks in chinese, french, indian, british, and scottish accents.
she writes her spelling words on the board.
she divides 4-digit dividends in her head within 10 seconds.
she staples projects to the walls (and ceiling).
she eats lunch...sometimes.
she prays.
she hides notes in students' desks.
she drinks lots of coffee.
she laughs at homophone drawings created by her students.
she crosses her eyes at someone every so often.
she exhorts boys to practice being young men.
she advises girls to love each other and be friends.
she referees basketball and warball games during recess...at the same time.
she stays in during lunch to help someone make up an assignment.
she emails parents, administrators, office staff, and other teachers.
she snacks on peanut M&Ms.
she wipes down doorhandles, windows, desks, and chairs.
she carries four conversations at once.
oh yeah, and she teaches.
sometimes i think the "teaching" part is based more on the list above, rather than opening a textbook. don't get me wrong--i love my job. today was a day, though, that reminded me how much my Teacher does for me. and He never gets tired out.
thanks for your love & strength today, Father.
H
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
my dears
drip-drops threatened to fall this morning outside the panes of room 327.
inside was a bustle of nine-and-ten-year-old energy, begging for details that would accompany the strike of eleven. up they came, silent as a rippling stream, which of course, still contains bubbles here and there. the thought struck me today how much they are handling on their own, as compared to early weeks, and though their own precious mommas were elsewhere at the moment, i suppose the maternal tendencies in my heart groaned a little at seeing how they've "grow up" within four swift months. soon they will be closer to fifth grade than third, but i'll save those thoughts for another time.
miss olewiler, do you think...? miss olewiler, why does...? should i...miss o?
at times the weight of my role is great, and i suppose i could tally up hours and hours [from 3pm-8am] during which their little souls come to my thoughts. but as much as i kick off the heels at the end of the day and plop onto a sofa, too exhausted to make dinner, i also treasure the thousands of times i hear my name. not, mind you, because i have a wonderful name, nor because i'm always eager to solve little problems, but because of the love and trust that comes with their questions. how i love those 19 laughs - all unique - and the serious faces of attentiveness when their eyes comprehend that the Bible isn't joking.
oh that they would go to Jesus even more than their teacher! to shower Him with sweet words, their concerns about friendships, their joys over simple pleasures. that His name would be the one they thank for a field trip or a surprise ice cream snack or a hundred-percent-test. that they would seek His wisdom during intense kickball games and investigate God's word on their own, setting patterns now.
and that i would trust Him with that, not taking the reigns.
let me rest in Your peace, sweet Savior. let me be found your good and faithful servant.
H
inside was a bustle of nine-and-ten-year-old energy, begging for details that would accompany the strike of eleven. up they came, silent as a rippling stream, which of course, still contains bubbles here and there. the thought struck me today how much they are handling on their own, as compared to early weeks, and though their own precious mommas were elsewhere at the moment, i suppose the maternal tendencies in my heart groaned a little at seeing how they've "grow up" within four swift months. soon they will be closer to fifth grade than third, but i'll save those thoughts for another time.
miss olewiler, do you think...? miss olewiler, why does...? should i...miss o?
at times the weight of my role is great, and i suppose i could tally up hours and hours [from 3pm-8am] during which their little souls come to my thoughts. but as much as i kick off the heels at the end of the day and plop onto a sofa, too exhausted to make dinner, i also treasure the thousands of times i hear my name. not, mind you, because i have a wonderful name, nor because i'm always eager to solve little problems, but because of the love and trust that comes with their questions. how i love those 19 laughs - all unique - and the serious faces of attentiveness when their eyes comprehend that the Bible isn't joking.
oh that they would go to Jesus even more than their teacher! to shower Him with sweet words, their concerns about friendships, their joys over simple pleasures. that His name would be the one they thank for a field trip or a surprise ice cream snack or a hundred-percent-test. that they would seek His wisdom during intense kickball games and investigate God's word on their own, setting patterns now.
and that i would trust Him with that, not taking the reigns.
let me rest in Your peace, sweet Savior. let me be found your good and faithful servant.
H
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
drawing near
there are days when i stop...
and think about the things with which i've been blessed
and it often overwhelms my weak soul.
tonight it has happened again
where the Lord took fears and negative expectations
(of last spring)
and proved them wrong.
i admit--i was scared back then, timidly entering this year
letting my fearful heart & the past control my thoughts
but again and again, he has shown me
so gently, so lovingly
that he knew all along how things would be
and how much i'd fall in love with that which i once feared
and when i thought my world was falling apart
he was actually planting the seeds for it to really take off
and burst into vibrancy and color
so now, i draw near, with an abundantly abounding, thankful heart
to the throne of gentle grace and sweetness of my dear Jesus.
H
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
...but that He loved us first
tonight, i have the urge to write again.
it has been a little past 2 months since my last post, and though 'twas brief, i have wanted to write again very often. but something has always stopped me. so here at last i am again, rambling through a keyboard, not minding if it is read or not, but just wanting to grace ink to these thoughts.
my heart is full.
i have everything i could ever want. yet, there is only one thing that can fit this description. many emotions, many possessions, many ideals vie for first place, but the most important has taken the lead. and this makes it the most special. and, to be sure, the most powerful. otherwise it wouldn't have won. and with that, the others aren't even worth mentioning tonight.
i love my sweet, sweet Jesus. cliche perhaps, seeing as we've known one another for almost 20 years now (i am so very very blessed). but nonetheless, i am overwhelmed with gratitude for my dear Lord and for the lessons he's taught me in the last year. he has become so precious to me, and has so kindly led me--to borrow from the children's book i read my students--across the desert of trials, past the sea of loneliness, and up the mountain of injury because of the greater rewards in store.
because even more amazing than my love for him is his own precious love for me. i marvel that he chose a stubborn, fearful, controlling, depressed girl as myself to be his beloved daughter. in the past, this scared me even more, and i hid in fear and guilt from such love. but now, these journeys we've traveled together have shown me how much i don't deserve his grace and yet run toward it and toward the safety of the shepherd's arms. (*yes, there is a tear threatening to spill, but it is a tear of joy).
thank you, sweet Lord. written words do not do justice to the depths of the Character whom i will never know fully this side of heaven. i only remain your humbled servant, quieted by the gentle power of your Words.
h
it has been a little past 2 months since my last post, and though 'twas brief, i have wanted to write again very often. but something has always stopped me. so here at last i am again, rambling through a keyboard, not minding if it is read or not, but just wanting to grace ink to these thoughts.
my heart is full.
i have everything i could ever want. yet, there is only one thing that can fit this description. many emotions, many possessions, many ideals vie for first place, but the most important has taken the lead. and this makes it the most special. and, to be sure, the most powerful. otherwise it wouldn't have won. and with that, the others aren't even worth mentioning tonight.
i love my sweet, sweet Jesus. cliche perhaps, seeing as we've known one another for almost 20 years now (i am so very very blessed). but nonetheless, i am overwhelmed with gratitude for my dear Lord and for the lessons he's taught me in the last year. he has become so precious to me, and has so kindly led me--to borrow from the children's book i read my students--across the desert of trials, past the sea of loneliness, and up the mountain of injury because of the greater rewards in store.
because even more amazing than my love for him is his own precious love for me. i marvel that he chose a stubborn, fearful, controlling, depressed girl as myself to be his beloved daughter. in the past, this scared me even more, and i hid in fear and guilt from such love. but now, these journeys we've traveled together have shown me how much i don't deserve his grace and yet run toward it and toward the safety of the shepherd's arms. (*yes, there is a tear threatening to spill, but it is a tear of joy).
thank you, sweet Lord. written words do not do justice to the depths of the Character whom i will never know fully this side of heaven. i only remain your humbled servant, quieted by the gentle power of your Words.
h
Saturday, June 30, 2012
to him who overcomes
sometimes, life leaves you feeling
like you have to be so strong
for everyone else
that there's no one holding you up.
like you have to be so strong
for everyone else
that there's no one holding you up.
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
and now, ladies & gentlemen...
there are many things in this world that i love.
one of these is the sound of friendship and laughter, and another is the smell of a busy kitchen. so i decided that this summer i want to combine two of these essential ingredients of my life and create a 12-week session of home-cooked meals and sweet-tooth cravings, to be hosted by my roommate and myself.
since summer is an odd time of the year, where a teacher's "break" consists of packing in as many things to do on the checklist as possible, cori and i kicked off the season last night with a simpler meal of quick chicken tacos and malted chocolate chip cookies. [below is a brief look at the life of the cookies]. adding couscous to the tacos was not the original plan, but it turned out quite delicious, lighter than spanish rice. and of course, you cant go wrong with fresh peppers, green onions, salsa and sour cream, amongst other add-ins. though i was afraid that perhaps the cookies nestled in the oven a minute too long, they turned out perfect--light and sweet.
til next week (fresh lobster, veggies, and pineapple up-side-down cake??),
heather
one of these is the sound of friendship and laughter, and another is the smell of a busy kitchen. so i decided that this summer i want to combine two of these essential ingredients of my life and create a 12-week session of home-cooked meals and sweet-tooth cravings, to be hosted by my roommate and myself.
since summer is an odd time of the year, where a teacher's "break" consists of packing in as many things to do on the checklist as possible, cori and i kicked off the season last night with a simpler meal of quick chicken tacos and malted chocolate chip cookies. [below is a brief look at the life of the cookies]. adding couscous to the tacos was not the original plan, but it turned out quite delicious, lighter than spanish rice. and of course, you cant go wrong with fresh peppers, green onions, salsa and sour cream, amongst other add-ins. though i was afraid that perhaps the cookies nestled in the oven a minute too long, they turned out perfect--light and sweet.
heather
Thursday, May 24, 2012
my joy this week
but thanks be to God, who always leads us in the triumph of Christ, and manifests through us the sweet aroma of the knowledge of Him in every place. for we are a fragrance of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing.
2 corinthians 2.14-15
2 corinthians 2.14-15
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
a lament, with hope
remember my affliction and my wandering, the wormwood and bitterness. surely my soul remembers and is bowed down within me. this i recall to my mind, therefore i have hope.
the LORD's lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, for his compassions never fail.
they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. the LORD is my portion, says my soul, thereforefore i have hope in him. the LORD is good to those who wait for him, to the person who seeks him. it is good that he waits silently for the salvation of the LORD. it is good for a man that he should bear the yoke in his youth. let him sit alone and be silent since he has laid it on him. let him put his mouth in the dust, perhaps there is hope. let him give his cheek to the smiter, let him be filled with reproach. for the Lord will not reject forever, for if he causes grief, then hi will have compassion according to his abundant lovingkindness.
lamentations 3.19-32
the LORD's lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, for his compassions never fail.
they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. the LORD is my portion, says my soul, thereforefore i have hope in him. the LORD is good to those who wait for him, to the person who seeks him. it is good that he waits silently for the salvation of the LORD. it is good for a man that he should bear the yoke in his youth. let him sit alone and be silent since he has laid it on him. let him put his mouth in the dust, perhaps there is hope. let him give his cheek to the smiter, let him be filled with reproach. for the Lord will not reject forever, for if he causes grief, then hi will have compassion according to his abundant lovingkindness.
lamentations 3.19-32
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