it's one of those days where i just had to really live up to the title of this blog. i've been itching to go to india and thinking a lot about it lately...then i had this long conversation with my parents and i feel so inadequate and yet still want to go so bad it hurts. and i'm sitting on my bed crying as i type because i so desperately want to be in God's will about all this. and i have so much to do and think about and research and learn, and i honestly admit my anxiety and worry that i won't be able to do what i want to do in life. but even more than that, my heart just aches that i haven't been honoring the Lord by trusting in His plan for my life. oh God, please forgive me for my selfishness, my pride! i'm begging you--please! i want to do what is right and true and honorable and pure and excellent! help me live uprightly!
i can't write anymore--the screen is blurring as the pain in my heart is too overwhelming. i'll finish this later.
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