...but that He loved us first

tonight, i have the urge to write again.

it has been a little past 2 months since my last post, and though 'twas brief, i have wanted to write again very often. but something has always stopped me. so here at last i am again, rambling through a keyboard, not minding if it is read or not, but just wanting to grace ink to these thoughts.

my heart is full.

i have everything i could ever want. yet, there is only one thing that can fit this description. many emotions, many possessions, many ideals vie for first place, but the most important has taken the lead. and this makes it the most special. and, to be sure, the most powerful. otherwise it wouldn't have won. and with that, the others aren't even worth mentioning tonight.

i love my sweet, sweet Jesus. cliche perhaps, seeing as we've known one another for almost 20 years now (i am so very very blessed). but nonetheless, i am overwhelmed with gratitude for my dear Lord and for the lessons he's taught me in the last year. he has become so precious to me, and has so kindly led me--to borrow from the children's book i read my students--across the desert of trials, past the sea of loneliness, and up the mountain of injury because of the greater rewards in store.

because even more amazing than my love for him is his own precious love for me. i marvel that he chose a stubborn, fearful, controlling, depressed girl as myself to be his beloved daughter. in the past, this scared me even more, and i hid in fear and guilt from such love. but now, these journeys we've traveled together have shown me how much i don't deserve his grace and yet run toward it and toward the safety of the shepherd's arms. (*yes, there is a tear threatening to spill, but it is a tear of joy).

thank you, sweet Lord. written words do not do justice to the depths of the Character whom i will never know fully this side of heaven. i only remain your humbled servant, quieted by the gentle power of your Words.


h

to him who overcomes

sometimes, life leaves you feeling 
like you have to be so strong 
for everyone else
that there's no one holding you up.

and now, ladies & gentlemen...

there are many things in this world that i love.

one of these is the sound of friendship and laughter, and another is the smell of a busy kitchen. so i decided that this summer i want to combine two of these essential ingredients of my life and create a 12-week session of home-cooked meals and sweet-tooth cravings, to be hosted by my roommate and myself.

since summer is an odd time of the year, where a teacher's "break" consists of packing in as many things to do on the checklist as possible, cori and i kicked off the season last night with a simpler meal of quick chicken tacos and malted chocolate chip cookies. [below is a brief look at the life of the cookies]. adding couscous to the tacos was not the original plan, but it turned out quite delicious, lighter than spanish rice. and of course, you cant go wrong with fresh peppers, green onions, salsa and sour cream, amongst other add-ins. though i was afraid that perhaps the cookies nestled in the oven a minute too long, they turned out perfect--light and sweet.

til next week (fresh lobster, veggies, and pineapple up-side-down cake??),

heather

my joy this week

but thanks be to God, who always leads us in the triumph of Christ, and manifests through us the sweet aroma of the knowledge of Him in every place. for we are a fragrance of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing.

2 corinthians 2.14-15

a lament, with hope

remember my affliction and my wandering, the wormwood and bitterness. surely my soul remembers and is bowed down within me. this i recall to my mind, therefore i have hope.
the LORD's lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, for his compassions never fail.
they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. the LORD is my portion, says my soul, thereforefore i have hope in him. the LORD is good to those who wait for him, to the person who seeks him. it is good that he waits silently for the salvation of the LORD. it is good for a man that he should bear the yoke in his youth. let him sit alone and be silent since he has laid it on him. let him put his mouth in the dust, perhaps there is hope. let him give his cheek to the smiter, let him be filled with reproach. for the Lord will not reject forever, for if he causes grief, then hi will have compassion according to his abundant lovingkindness.

lamentations 3.19-32

A Tale of Three Kings

by Gene Edwards

What do I do when the kingdom I’m in is ruled by a spear-wielding king?...Just what does a person do in the middle of a spear-wielding contest?...

The answer is, you get stabbed to death.

...But what is the good in being speared?

You have your eyes on the wrong “King Saul.” As long as you look at your king, you will blame him and him alone for your present hell. But be careful, for God has his eyes fastened on another “King Saul”...One just as bad, or worse. God is looking at the “King Saul” in you...There is only one way to get rid of him. He must be annihilated...David the sheepherder would have grown up to become King Saul the Second, except that God cut away the “Saul” inside David’s heart. That operation, by the way, took years and was a brutalizing experience that almost killed the patient.

coldplay.

when she was just a girl
she expected the world
but it flew away from her reach so
she ran away in her sleep
and dreamed of paradise
every time she closed her eyes
when she was just a girl
she expected the world
but it flew away from her reach
and the bullets catch in her teeth
life goes on, it gets so heavy
the wheel breaks the butterfly
every tear a waterfall
in the night the stormy night she'll close her eyes
in the night the stormy night away she'd fly
and dream of paradise
and so lying underneath those stormy skies
she'd say "oh i know the sun must set to rise."

sing a hard-spun song

when you think of me,
sing a wide open song
and when it's over,
sing it once more
when you dream of me,
dream when i meet you
on that distant shore



"distant shore"
sung by orla fallon

going back

i remember those summer days
filled with swimming and laughter and picnics in the park
the days of sleepovers and homemade cookies
of sunblock and crowded birthday parties
everyone laughing and talking at once
(and not minding at all).

sometimes i miss those days
and i think of how ridiculous an adult would look
if they spun circles out on the grass til they dropped
but who says you cant?
people reminisce "oh to be a child again,"
but i suppose there's a part of me
that will never quite grow out of those days
and as silly as it may be,
i dont care.


H

resting in truth.

sometimes,
to surrender is to win
death brings victory
and heartache leaves us with the deepest joy.

i rest this night in the knowledge that
Jesus is everything.

therefore, i will not fear.

H